Stop Trying to Lose Weight
Body weight. If there is one single woman in the western world who has never struggled with issues related to weight, I would be so surprised! I have recently gained weight – I don’t have a scale, so I’m not sure how much, but maybe three or four pounds. And when I realized it, I smiled. Not because I was underweight before, but because of how I see weight, my body, and my emotions now.
When I was younger, like so many people, how I felt about myself was tied to my weight. If I was feeling skinny, I felt good, if I was feeling fat, I felt bad. I tried gimmicky diets to lose weight as a teenager, when I didn’t need to (my goodness did I not need to!) I looked in the mirror after giving birth each of four times in horror of what these precious tiny humans had done to my body and just felt this awful panicky need to lose the weight immediately. I permanently injured a hip in a BOOT CAMP class that I joined one week after being hospitalized for a kidney infection and twelve weeks after having a c-section. (My poor, dear body, you deserved so much better). I let my mother’s perfectionism about weight weigh on me like a background soundtrack anytime I was in the same room as food.
I wasted years of my life not appreciating how freaking fantastic my body looked back then! I know some day I will look back at pictures of me at 38 and think, “wow, I looked great.” So I might as well enjoy it now. I decided to let go of needing to be “skinny” to feel healthy, happy, strong, and good about myself. I threw out my scale, I stopped dieting, I just no longer cared… and to my surprise, I lost weight. Now I've noticed that my emotional well being impacts my weight, not the other way around. And it’s completely transformed how I approach weight and health in general. My focus is on feeling good on the inside, which has had a bigger impact on how I look on the outside than the other way around.
Sometimes when I feel bad, I gain weight. When I am feeling down emotionally, I don’t have the desire or energy to exercise. I eat comfort foods, usually in the form of sugar and bread products. It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle of feeling more and more lethargic. I don’t have the energy to shop for and cook healthful meals, so we eat out more or get take-out. And the weight gain becomes an unhappy reminder of how I’m feeling about myself and my life in general – it’s not good.
In times of extreme stress, I lose weight. Christmas week this past winter was a top five shitty weeks of my life kind of week. It was my first Christmas after my divorce, and several important relationships in my life were in turmoil and making me unhappy for completely unrelated reasons. I was so anxious and depressed about it, I couldn’t eat. I had no appetite, and when I tried to force myself to eat, I would literally choke on the food. I even threw up a couple of times when thinking about something particularly distressing. I dropped a bunch of weight very quickly. And that’s not good either! It was not a weight loss I could or would ever want to feel good about. I didn’t feel healthy and strong and beautiful. I felt weak, disempowered, and sick. My hair started falling out. It was awful.
The reason I smiled this week when I realized I had gained a little weight, is that I had started to have an appetite and enjoy food again, after a particularly stressful couple of months. It was happy weight, and I feel totally fine with it. Because I know when I am happy and feeling good about myself, my body tends to find a good weight all on its own. No diets, no weighing, no crazy chemical-laden diet foods or complicated recipes, no obsessing required. For example, I felt so content and joyful today that I craved a giant salad for dinner tonight. I don’t reach for sweets to calm anxiety these days. I have a good appetite and I stop eating when I’m full. And I just move more – cleaning and going for walks and generally just being more active. I feel good about myself and my body first, and it automatically makes me take better care of myself.
It is so wonderful to be free from the burden of a bathroom scale. Food is an enjoyable source of nourishment for my body because my body deserves nourishing, rather than something to obsess over. I can have cupcakes with my kids without thinking about anything other than our shared delight at such a delicious treat. The more I am filled with contentment, self-compassion, and harmony with those around me, the more I notice that I take better care of myself – without even thinking about it. I reach for sparkling water instead of wine. I grab an orange instead of a box of crackers when I want a snack. My weight settles right where it should be. And that weight is more than it was when I was twenty, it’s certainly more than my mother would like it to be, but it’s right where I feel strong and healthy and beautiful. And when it comes to my body, that’s all that matters.
When people have commented on the weight I’ve lost in the past two years and asked what my “secret” is, I tell them – I stopped trying to lose weight. Focus on raising your energy vibration, and notice how when you feel better, maybe that weight you’ve been wanting to lose just loses itself. Focus on loving your one dear body, thank your body every day for all it has done for you, look in the mirror and just go ahead and tell yourself you’re beautiful Stuart Smalley-style (try it, really). Because your body is AMAZING and worthy of love and care and nourishment!
Peace and Love,
Vera
When I was younger, like so many people, how I felt about myself was tied to my weight. If I was feeling skinny, I felt good, if I was feeling fat, I felt bad. I tried gimmicky diets to lose weight as a teenager, when I didn’t need to (my goodness did I not need to!) I looked in the mirror after giving birth each of four times in horror of what these precious tiny humans had done to my body and just felt this awful panicky need to lose the weight immediately. I permanently injured a hip in a BOOT CAMP class that I joined one week after being hospitalized for a kidney infection and twelve weeks after having a c-section. (My poor, dear body, you deserved so much better). I let my mother’s perfectionism about weight weigh on me like a background soundtrack anytime I was in the same room as food.
I wasted years of my life not appreciating how freaking fantastic my body looked back then! I know some day I will look back at pictures of me at 38 and think, “wow, I looked great.” So I might as well enjoy it now. I decided to let go of needing to be “skinny” to feel healthy, happy, strong, and good about myself. I threw out my scale, I stopped dieting, I just no longer cared… and to my surprise, I lost weight. Now I've noticed that my emotional well being impacts my weight, not the other way around. And it’s completely transformed how I approach weight and health in general. My focus is on feeling good on the inside, which has had a bigger impact on how I look on the outside than the other way around.
Sometimes when I feel bad, I gain weight. When I am feeling down emotionally, I don’t have the desire or energy to exercise. I eat comfort foods, usually in the form of sugar and bread products. It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle of feeling more and more lethargic. I don’t have the energy to shop for and cook healthful meals, so we eat out more or get take-out. And the weight gain becomes an unhappy reminder of how I’m feeling about myself and my life in general – it’s not good.
In times of extreme stress, I lose weight. Christmas week this past winter was a top five shitty weeks of my life kind of week. It was my first Christmas after my divorce, and several important relationships in my life were in turmoil and making me unhappy for completely unrelated reasons. I was so anxious and depressed about it, I couldn’t eat. I had no appetite, and when I tried to force myself to eat, I would literally choke on the food. I even threw up a couple of times when thinking about something particularly distressing. I dropped a bunch of weight very quickly. And that’s not good either! It was not a weight loss I could or would ever want to feel good about. I didn’t feel healthy and strong and beautiful. I felt weak, disempowered, and sick. My hair started falling out. It was awful.
The reason I smiled this week when I realized I had gained a little weight, is that I had started to have an appetite and enjoy food again, after a particularly stressful couple of months. It was happy weight, and I feel totally fine with it. Because I know when I am happy and feeling good about myself, my body tends to find a good weight all on its own. No diets, no weighing, no crazy chemical-laden diet foods or complicated recipes, no obsessing required. For example, I felt so content and joyful today that I craved a giant salad for dinner tonight. I don’t reach for sweets to calm anxiety these days. I have a good appetite and I stop eating when I’m full. And I just move more – cleaning and going for walks and generally just being more active. I feel good about myself and my body first, and it automatically makes me take better care of myself.
It is so wonderful to be free from the burden of a bathroom scale. Food is an enjoyable source of nourishment for my body because my body deserves nourishing, rather than something to obsess over. I can have cupcakes with my kids without thinking about anything other than our shared delight at such a delicious treat. The more I am filled with contentment, self-compassion, and harmony with those around me, the more I notice that I take better care of myself – without even thinking about it. I reach for sparkling water instead of wine. I grab an orange instead of a box of crackers when I want a snack. My weight settles right where it should be. And that weight is more than it was when I was twenty, it’s certainly more than my mother would like it to be, but it’s right where I feel strong and healthy and beautiful. And when it comes to my body, that’s all that matters.
When people have commented on the weight I’ve lost in the past two years and asked what my “secret” is, I tell them – I stopped trying to lose weight. Focus on raising your energy vibration, and notice how when you feel better, maybe that weight you’ve been wanting to lose just loses itself. Focus on loving your one dear body, thank your body every day for all it has done for you, look in the mirror and just go ahead and tell yourself you’re beautiful Stuart Smalley-style (try it, really). Because your body is AMAZING and worthy of love and care and nourishment!
Peace and Love,
Vera
Comments
Post a Comment